


Can't Let Go

by lexia4



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:12:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexia4/pseuds/lexia4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was so ready to hate you, but however much I tried; I couldn't hate the woman who looked like her world had just crumbled to pieces before her eyes. Addison POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.

I'm trying. I really am. It's just I can't help but be jealous of you – the woman that stole my husbands heart.

When I first came here, to Seattle, I was so ready to hate you, but however much I tried; I couldn't hate the woman who looked like her world had just crumbled to pieces before her eyes.

You didn't know about me so I can't fault you for that. You don't deserve the condescending looks and the whispered, scathing comments following you up and down the hallways.

I think I knew even before I had heard of you that I had lost Derek forever. Coming here just confirmed my theory. I wasn't entirely blameless for the whole Mark saga you know. Derek took me for granted, not deliberately mind, but we were just so used to each other's presence that we got stuck in a rut, and Mark – Mark was just there and even if it was just for a while, he made me feel special.

All the passion, lust and even love had disintegrated from mine and Derek's relationship. Yet I still crawled back to him and he welcomed me back with half-open arms. You must understand that I had to try to work things out with him – I could never forgive myself otherwise. If there was a chance, albeit a small one that we could be Addison and Derek again then I'd leap at it.

You have to realise that even after he took me back my victory was far from sweet. Every time I passed you in the hallway, my guilt piled up just from a miserable glimpse of the broken person you had become.

That guilt quickly turned to envy though. You may not have noticed but Derek watched you all the time. He thought I didn't see but even a blind person would have a hard time not to notice. You never realised though – funny that. Jealousy pretty much bubbled from my every pore. It hurt to see the adoration and complete love that shone from Derek's eyes whenever your name was mentioned. He'd never looked that way at me, even in happier days before cheating, sex and lies.

I'm going to end our marriage. I will. Soon… It's just hard to give up on something that used to be so perfect, so simple, so forever. Maybe I just need some sort of excuse, a reason to give him up. A something that will ideally happen in the far off future. It's stupid and pointless - I know that. It's just you know just as well as I do that you don't give up on men like Derek and I'm not ready to let him go just yet.

When that day comes treat him well. I don't mean to sound condescending it's just he deserves to be happy, you both do. Be to him what I could never be. Love him with your whole heart – nothing more nothing less and let yourself be loved in return. And please Meredith, I'm begging you, don't break his heart.


End file.
